5.03.12

AAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a glorious day may 3rd is- and it shall always be remembered as such. Or as the day I one-upped my former employer. I'll leave it at that.  :)

1. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Which is a far cry from where I was 6 months ago (I seriously wondered if I had narcolepsy or mono or something causing me to sleep like a drugged baby). But, today I got to take a nice little nap. And drool all over myself. It's like I finally relaxed enough to sleep and spew copious amounts of saliva onto myself. I really feel like it would've been difficult to produce that amount of spit if I actually tried. 

2. Jake and I decided to celebrate by making a long awaited purchase!

This pool is 8 ft of pure bliss on a Texas afternoon.

I'm pretty sure this day is made out of angel tits and rainbows. 

3. With my new-found confidence I decided to explore jobs in other areas. Ones that I'm not too experienced in. Like modeling! America's Next Top Model: Extreme Plus-Size Edition here I come!

Look at that smize!!!

4. Saturday we go to see my ALL TIME FAVORITE musician- TOM PETTY!!!! And, just in case you were wondering, this is what our teenage love-child would look like:

4.26.12

Today has barely begun and already I'm kicking it's ass.

1. Today I had an appointment with a therapist to help me deal with some stuff. She suggested journaling. DUH, Audrey. I used to journal all the time as a kid/teen. I was pretty good at it, too. For years after writing something I would think back, fondly remembering how honest and poetic my writing was. I mean, just look at some of these excerpts I found. They cover a wide variety of topics, from friendship....

I'm pretty sure I included the description after the poem so my parents would know Sandi and I were just friends. 

I must admit, I almost convinced myself of my childhood bi-curious tendencies with that poem.

To TrUe LoVe...

Sad fact: Tommy West grew up to be hot. 

To teenage angst...

At that time I considered not being pregnant enough of a feat to deem me as "great."

2. On my way home from the doctor I passed by some intriguing real estate in an up and coming area. 

Upon further inspection I realized this gem is a goat farm! I could make my own goat cheese. Or, I could get those goats that faint when you charge at them. 

NOT DEAD!!

And I could look like this:

Why do I own a goat farm outfit??

And Jake could look like this:

LET'S GOAT FARM, BABY!!

And there's still plenty of day left. 

4.25.12

Today I did something very important. 

Today I discovered my potential as a genius. 

I am what you might call a Bath Enthusiast. So I was stoked when I saw this bamboo bath tray at World Market. Like, I planned my day around it, stoked. When we got it home we realized it was too puny for our big ol' tub. Oh, what a world! After that, I was the opposite of stoked. Like, see my world come crashing down around my poorly-bathed feet, opposite of stoked. 

So, I decided to employ one of the terms I use generously on my resume: creative problem solver. While jake was looking for ways to extend the bath tray, my mind instantly went to these shelves that were in our garage when we moved in. Genius. They were still wrapped in plastic, so I didn't have to worry about stranger's germs invading my bath-time and causing leprosy. Safe genius. 

TA-DA!!!!!!

And, just in case you were confused, yes we are ignoring the fact that I'm basically strapping myself into the bath with a giant glass plank that could shatter and splice through my naked flesh and into my sweet, sweet organs. 

I'm just that bad-ass. 

I don't think the Apple store is even ready for this level of genius. 

04.13.12

Today is Friday the 13th. One month ago today my mom died. Today is also my birthday. 

I feel like all these things combined should make for one crappy day. But it's NOT crappy! It's surprisingly good and cozy. 

Here are a few reasons why today doesn't suck:

1. We've had a really good week so far. First, we had a fun Easter. Jake and I hung out with my dad and made Easter baskets for my niece and nephew. I decided the best way to honor my mom would be to go all out like she would. (I'm pouring a 40oz out for her right now - 40oz of mod podge, that is.)

I made these cute bunny candy pouches from a tutorial on mermag's blog here. Of course, I'm lazier than she is, so I just drew on the eyes and mouths. I figure the kids just want to rip open their heads and eat their candy brains, not stare lovingly into their finely stitched eyes. 

We have delicious brains! 

Then, I crammed those bunnies into super cute baskets that I painstakingly personalized for the kiddos. 

What lucky little bastards. Don't kidnap them now that you know their names, OK?

I made these adorable mini lemon bundt cakes. They're better than your bundt cakes because they're mini. I'm sorry. 

I don't like big bundts and I cannot lie. 

I also made Rocco wear a bow-tie. 

Fancy!!

2. Then, we packed up the dogs and headed to Port Aransas for a couple of days. So, instead of working, we did this:

                   

I gave him a few...additions. 

I'm an artist! Actually, I feel like I was way better at sculpting this than I should be...

Rocco is pissed because HE wanted to be the damn shark. 

Sunglasses AND lipstick?? Now, that's a vacation. 

3. Finally, last but certainly not least- my wonderful, brilliant, handsome husband gave me a iPad! This means blogging is SO much easier. I should have no excuse not to update, now. 

And now I can take pictures like this:

Thanks, baby. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!!!

4.04.12

Wow - the days have really been getting away from me.  I've been sick and have been having a very tough time getting a grasp on time and which day it is.  But, I've still managed to have a pretty productive day.

1. I effing ROCKED the sick look today.

I'm sicky and I know it.

2. I painted my nails.  No, I am not 12.  Though, I have been carded at an R rated movie recently.

zomg SPARKLEZZ!!@@!@~~!@$

3. I still haven't killed this plant!

4. I took a bath.

This is what it looks like when someone flips you off with their toes.

5. Even though I'm sick I still provided a healthy, hearty meal for my husband.

That shit is organic, yo.

6. Finally, go-getter that I am, I may have come up with our halloween costumes.  6 months ahead of schedule!  What a gem.

I would make a killer Cheech.

Though, our costumes last year were SO successful, we might have to repeat.

If you're gonna spew, spew into this.

7. I'd like to end this blog post with a picture of me looking normal.  Because looking back I realized I've posted a lot of unflattering pics...

Proof of normalcy.

3.21.12

So. Today was a little hard. I will admit it.

I pretty much bounced back and forth between feeling ok and feeling totally NOT ok.

1. First, I had of big to-do list to complete for my mom's memorial. After completing a good number of them, I felt proud and accomplished! This isn't the most abundant feeling after you've been fired and your mom dies, so I was really excited.

I'll call my mom and tell her all about it!!!!!

2. OH WAIT. 

Yes, I took a picture of my cry-face. Because I am narcissistic. And I wanted to see what all my relatives would see this weekend and make sure it wasn't too horrible.

The constant forgetting and remembering has got to be the hardest part of this by far.

3. I decided to perk myself up by going shopping. I'm pretty sure this is how my mom would've wanted me to look at her memorial.

Did you know that it's best to wear a bright orange sports bra under evening wear?

4. After taking some time to reflect, I realized exactly what I needed to make it through the day. Pictures of cute things. Today's selection: french bulldog pups and micro-pigs.

poison ivy recap

So, as I have mentioned, I have pretty extensive poison ivy.  How does one get poison ivy all over their entire body?  Did I roll it into a joint and smoke it?

It started off as the first really nice day in Spring.  I was planning on making a post about how we did yard-work, but really Jake did most of it.  There was a huge weed growing through the back of our fence and warping it.

Jake said we should take it down since it was causing damage to the fence.

I was all like:

Isn't that our landlord's problem?

And then Jake was all like:

I really think we should take care of it!! I'm an overachiever!! 

So, at first Jake tore into it and I monitored from a safe distance.

But it quickly became apparent it was a huge job! So I jumped in to help. And as we were yanking and cutting the weed down with our bare hands, and it was raining down onto our faces and probably into our noses and mouths, we kept remarking what a strange looking plant it was. 

After that, we apparently touched every square inch of our bodies before washing off. Two weeks later and I still look like this:

I don't feel like this pic does my injury justice, so I've highlighted a few areas for your attention.

One good thing to come of this is I have to be sure to take my medicine with food.

Please let me be a cautionary tale. Learn from my mistake. Don't listen to your husband and don't do yard-work.